Healing the Healer

This is from an article I wrote for a local publication a couple of years ago... just another lesson from Weirdness Gone Wild...

“Sometimes the obstacle is the path.” This aphorism is written on an otherwise pristine bathroom wall of a convenience store outside of Waco, Texas. It no longer surprises me where tidbits of wisdom might be revealed.

One day a few weeks ago, you could say I had a bad day. I awoke feeling out of sorts and as the day continued, I experienced every downwardly spiraling emotion in my repertoire of feelings. And I could not bring myself out of it. I meditated twice, did a self-facilitated breath work session, read my inspirational readings and nothing in my bag of tools worked.

In this state, it is easy to worry about what the root of the emotional state is and how long it might last. Finally, as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, I surrendered to the fact that for whatever reason, I was supposed to experience that day as it was and to learn whatever I needed to learn from it. The next day I was still feeling out of sorts and, on the way to visit my mother in Tyler, was listening to my inspirational cd's still trying to bring myself out of it. I stopped at my usual convenience store pit stop, and as I'm sitting there taking care of business, I turn my head and right there in my face was the writing on the wall.

As a healer, the phrase ‘healer, heal thyself’ becomes, or at least should become, a mantra for how we must be, of how we put ourselves out there to the world – as a person connected to their own sense of well-being. There is an even greater necessity to ‘walk the talk’; after all, we should be the primary example that our clients look to for an end result.

And, as healers, there is also the challenge of letting go of our expectations regarding the results we want to see in clients. Sometimes, if they do not fit into our preconceived notion of what a ‘healed client’ looks like, we have done something wrong. We start questioning our intention, our purpose, our abilities, which in turn can activate our own ‘stuff.

’

Since I have returned to practicing breath work, I have come into contact with healers of all modalities, specialties and credentials. Quite often, when I tell them I am a breath work facilitator, they get excited and want to do a session, saying they really need to clear out some of their own ‘stuff’, their own suppressed emotions and negative energy. Their response to my work has made me clearly realize just how much energy we put toward our clients’ healing and neglect our own. Any time any person operates outside of the framework of love, forgiveness, compassion, releasing judgments, peace and a basic state of well-being, something needs healing. How can we effectively heal others unless we continually work on ourselves?

And taking it a step further, when I was discussing this with a friend the other day, he reminded me that we are all healers, with the ability and capacity to create and manifest our own healing from within. So while my primary focus in this article is to remind healers to take care of themselves, it really applies to everyone.

When the law of magnetic attraction comes into play, there is also a good chance the clients that come to us are experiencing the same challenges or issues that we ourselves need to clear out. They become our mirrors. In order for us to lay out a path of healing for our clients to follow, we must go through and clear out our own obstacles, using the obstacles as the pathway for our own healing. This solution, to spend as much energy on continual self-healing as we do on our clients, paves the way for us to be the best channel for healing that we can be.

Coming Out Of The 'Woo Woo' Closet

My mother gave me an amazing gift on Saturday… the gift of acknowledgment. Acknowledgment that maybe there’s something to this woo woo stuff after all.

I first started down the woo woo path of a seeker almost 25 years ago. At that time, my family was so concerned that I had gone off the deep end that they wanted my brother to come to Austin to ‘deprogram’ me. Much to their relief, my life took some twists and turns that took me off the path. Temporarily.

Several years ago, I got back on my path of seeking and healing, and this time I kept my mouth shut about it to my family, knowing they don’t understand that my belief system is just different from theirs. It’s not better, or worse, it’s just different. So for several years they just didn’t know what I was doing.

But not being able to talk about a life I’m very passionate about to my family took its toll on me. So, a few years ago I decided to come out of the woo woo closest and tell them about the breathwork and energy work I’m involved in, about my path of spiritual exploration.

First I talked to my mom, told her that I needed to share with her what I was doing. I told her the reason I hadn’t told her before was that I couldn’t handle her judging it or me, that it was really important that she be supportive, not critical and judgmental. She didn’t have to agree with it, or understand it. But I needed her to be open minded about it. And she was. She looked at the books I took her, and didn’t criticize me. And I think for the first time realized that I was probably more of a spiritual being than most of her church friends. But we still didn’t talk about it much. I knew she couldn’t really wrap her head around it, that it was still a little too ‘out there’ for her to understand.

With my sister, the evangelical Christian, everything I told her was met with complete silence. But that was ok. She can judge me all she wants. It was my mom’s understanding and support that I needed. A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned a class I’m taking to my sister and she asked what kind of class it was. When I told her it was energy healing, again the response was complete silence. There wasn’t even the judgmental ‘hmpf’, just silence.

Then, last Saturday, my mom gave me the most incredible gift. She’s in a nursing home and in ill health, and for some time now, I’ve been observing what seems to be a thinner veil between the worlds for the folks in the nursing home. (see the previous blog for more on this) My mom started telling me about dreams and conversations she’s been having with dead family members and relatives. She said that she’ll wake up after having a conversation and think that it was a dream that didn’t feel like a dream, that it felt real, so she doesn’t k now what’s a dream and what’s not a dream. (And from my personal experience, I know it’s not always a dream) And then she said, ‘the only person I can talk to about this that I know will understand, is you.” And we probably had the best conversation that we’ve ever had. A conversation where I could totally 100 percent be me. I told her that I thought the separation between the worlds was lessening for her, and that when she first hurt herself and was in pain, on pain meds and delusional, that the people she saw when she was in that state, she really did see. There’s no doubt in my mind.

The reason I’m sharing all of this, is that so many people I know that are on a similar path have families they can’t talk to about this, have families that flat out refuse to acknowledge it or discuss it. And those family members, if they stay on this plane long enough to experience the thinning of the veil, will someday see that yes, sometimes weirdness is truth.

Francis the Healer - More Healing Stories

This post is a continuation of the healing stories from my Weirdness Gone Wild newsletter. (If you didn't get a copy of the newsletter, email me at mgbullock@aol.com. For a text reprint of the 1st newsletter, go to www.weirdnessgonewild.com) If you have your own healing stories, please send them to me! Most of the stories are about Francis healings. But one of the stories is about someone I know through Dr. Gladys which shows it's really about the work itself. Every Monday night at the end of our class, we do group healings on folks with terminal or chronic conditions. Four months ago we had maybe four or five people coming at the end. Today we have 25 or 30 and the numbers are growing.

Frances Meyer’ Story...

For 30 years, doctors couldn’t help Frances Meyers. She was first treated for thyroid problems when she was around 16 or 17 years old, and since then she’s had at least 6 or 7 doctors, endocrinologists, that couldn’t fix her problem, they could only try to regulate it with medication.

Then recently Frances M. started suffering from vertigo. After 15 days, the specialist she went to couldn’t clear it up, telling her she had somehow damaged her inner ear. She went to Francis Campone, who after one session cleared her inner ear problem and the vertigo. She went back to the specialist and it was confirmed – her inner ear problem had disappeared.

After three sessions with Francis, Frances M. asked him to check her thyroid and he told her she didn’t have a thyroid problem. When she went to her appointment with the endocrinologist, he confirmed that her thyroid issues had disappeared as well. He didn’t understand how it had been healed but told her ‘whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.’

Through all of this, Frances was also having problems with her blood sugar, her diagnosis being borderline diabetes. Her glucose test had spiked to 154, then 159. After her sessions with Francis, her blood level had normalized and she was taken off the medication.

Keith’s Story...

Keith has a form of Muscular Dystrophy known as Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type II. Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) is a motor neuron disease that affects muscles throughout the body, but the most severely affected muscles are those closest to the trunk of the body. Involvement of respiratory muscles can lead to a tendency for pneumonia and other lung problems.

After only three sessions with Francis, Keith, who uses a wheelchair for mobility, noticed an improvement in the circulation in his feet and that his breathing has improved. In addition to the overall improvement in his health, Keith said that psychologically his whole outlook has improved, and when I talked to him, this seemed as important as the physical aspects of his healing.

B.B.'s Story...

While I would be the first one to stand up and say that Francis Campone is the most amazing energy healer I’ve ever come in contact with, not all of the stories are about him. Here’s one that’s about the energy work itself, and the end result is just as amazing.

Last year when I participated in the Phoenix Experience with Dr. Gladys McGarey, each evening after dinner we received energy work and bodywork as part of the workshop. As a medical professional, Dr. Gladys knows, without a doubt, how important this is in the overall healing process.

One day a woman helping facilitate the class told us a story about her husband’s illness. He was diagnosed with the rarest form of lymphoma and his diagnosis was terminal, his chances of survival being about 5%. So he started chemo. Throughout his chemo treatments she said he was bombarded with energy work, non-stop. He breezed through chemo, even ran a marathon during his chemo regimen, and ultimately went into complete remission, complete recovery from the rarest form of lymphoma there is. Another miracle? Absolutely. Energy work is one of the most miraculous forms of healing I’ve ever experienced.

Lori’s Story...

In June, Lori went to the doctor to have the pain in her pelvic area checked out. Doctors discovered a sizable cyst on her ovary, over three centimeters in diameter, which is considered to be a very large cyst. She immediately started seeing Francis and when she went back to the doctor in August, the cyst was completely gone. Can these cysts disappear on their own? Possibly, but very unlikely. When I had a cyst, I had to have it surgically removed, and ultimately had a hysterectomy. Wish I'd had other options at the time.

Carment's Story on Animal Healings...

In addition to healings for humans, Francis also offers healings for animals, in this case, a six-week-old piglet named Isabel. Carmen, Isabel’s owner, also has three dogs and her wish was to be able to take her dogs and piglet on outings. After Carmen began taking to Isabel to Francis for sessions, she (Isabel, not Carmen) started squealing less (I’m assuming this is a good thing?) and adapted to her new surroundings better. She (Isabel) has developed confidence and self esteem in her new environment and even found a playmate, a boxer, at the dog park to play with.

Carmen has also taken her two-year old dog, Louis Pepper, to see Francis. Louis Pepper was a little wild and would take off at the dog park. After one session, Louis Pepper was much calmer and obedient. All in all, for Carmen, taking her animal family to Francis has led to stress free fun outings, which in her words is a ‘milestone’ they all feel great about.

What's the deal with drama?

So, what’s the deal with drama? I’ve never been one for drama…have never had much patience with drama... have never really been prone to drama...until recently. And I don’t get it. Is it about attention? Is it like the tree falling in the forest and the age old question of does it make a sound if no one is there to hear it? Does drama still exist if there’s no one there to be on the receiving end of it?

A few weeks ago, I had a Weirdness Gone Wild experience that totally freaked me out. If I had been a shrink, I would have had myself committed for being delusional. I was in deep space la-la land after doing the Gayatri Mantra one morning, when all of a sudden I was in someone else’s body… someone I know. I looked down and was wearing the clothes this person commonly wears, in a situation this person is commonly in, and I’m thinking ‘holy s***!!!’ I’m in so-and-so’s body! I even ran my hand through my hair to see if it felt like my hair or this person’s hair, and it wasn’t my hair. This went on for a few minutes, and when I started to get a sense of the thoughts that were coming into that person’s mind, I thought ‘ohhh, no no no… this is going to way too far’ and I brought myself out of it. It felt very invasive. And when I was back to full consciousness, I truly thought I must be crazy. And I created all of this drama around the experience for several days, calling people, telling people about it, trying to figure it out.

So, why all the drama? I’ve had so many other Weirdness Gone Wild experiences that I could just sort of observe and be ok with. Many years ago I had an experience during a network chiropractic session where all of a sudden I was in the water, looking up through the water, and could see a man in a wooden boat, poised with a harpoon ready to strike. And I heard my cohorts (Whales? Dolphins? I don’t know) yelling at me that we had to get out of there, NOW! Come on, come on, let’s go, we gotta get out of here. And my overwhelming sense was that the people in the boats had gotten my baby. And I kept crying out ‘they got my baby, they got my baby’. And my fellow creatures, kept yelling at me that there was nothing I could do about my baby, let’s go! And that was it. (Interestingly enough, many years later I was given an antique whale harpoon that sits in the corner of my living room) But the point is, I had this vision, have no idea what it was really about, but I wasn’t compelled to create this huge drama around it. And the Weirdness Gone Wild experience I had a couple of weeks ago about being gassed at a German concentration camp (see my first blog) didn’t create drama. In both of these my response was… hmmm, that was interesting. And that’s it.

A couple of weeks ago I had another Weirdness Gone Wild experience that also created a real sense of drama in me. Again, I don’t know what it was that compelled me to go into drama mode. Since then, I’ve been conducting an experiment. If I don’t talk about it, will that keep it from going down the path of drama? The results of my experiment are that it seems like I’ve shut down somewhat and that I’m internalizing the stuff that needs to come out, thereby creating this cauldron of ‘stuff’ swirling around inside of me. And it hasn’t been pleasant. Or fun. Or blissful. Anything but.

So what’s the lesson here? Go with the drama if it comes up and woe be on to those who happen to be around me? I don’t think so, but I don’t know what the answer is….

Grace Period at the End of the Road

My burning question since my mom was moved to a nursing home last year has been “why does the end of life have to be so hard?” Haven’t most people been through enough challenges by that stage in their life to earn an easy ticket home? (I have a bone to pick with God on this one…) Some people say it’s karma that determines how the end of life will be. And, of course, Francis says it’s because they ate dead animals all of their lives. My thought is that it doesn’t matter… by that time in a person’s life, it’s a moot point. It’s done. And I think everyone, no matter what kind of life they’ve led deserves a final grace period at the end. Maybe some people have earned a longer grace period from the suffering. I can agree with that. And I realize that some of this comes with our society, a society in which the accepted solution for the elderly is a nursing home. I know I’m not equipped to handle my mom’s needs. But I’m on a mission to do my part in making it better.

A few weeks ago in my Monday night energy healing class with Francis, he mentioned that going to a nursing home was good practice for the energy healing we’re learning, a good way to learn how different diseases feel energetically. And I thought, since I spend most weekends at my Mom’s nursing home, what a great opportunity for me to practice. But then later, as I was thinking about it, I realized that it’s not about the practice, it’s about helping these people. Every weekend when I walk through the nursing home, I see these people sitting around the nurse’s station, slumped in the wheelchairs they’re tied into, sad, lonely, confused, afraid, sick. It’ll break your heart…that is, until you desensitize yourself to it.

So, the next weekend when I went to the nursing home, I was actually excited to be there, excited that maybe I could make a difference. Until that point, I had kept what’s going on with my mom very compartmentalized in my head. With life’s challenges right now, if I let the emotional stress of her situation enter into it, it would put me over the edge of being overwhelmed. So I kept it in a neat little place in my head and only pulled it out on the weekends, when I would compartmentalize for those 2 days, the rest of my life.

But that weekend was different. I focused on opening my heart as I walked through the nursing home, sending out love and healing energy everywhere I went. And it was amazing. I’ve thought for a while that, in my mom’s current state, that the veil between dimensions has thinned, that she really is seeing the people, the children, that she claims to see. But as I went to get my mom water, or went back and forth to my car, I would send out love and healing energy, and the way the folks responded made me think that, indeed, the veil is thinner and they are more sensitive to the energy I was sending. At one point I went to get my mom a coke and walked down the hallway where they were all lined up in their wheelchairs to go into the dining hall and they all looked so sad and sick and lonely. I focused on sending healing energy, light and love. When I came back around the corner from the coke machine, and walked toward them, they all lit up and smiled at me. The difference was amazing, and it took so little to make that difference. And the best was yet to come.

I had decided the best way to try to get the ‘powers that be’ at the nursing home to let me do energy work on the residents was to start with the staff. I guess energy work in Tomball, Texas is not very common. A couple of people on duty were vaguely familiar with reiki after seeing it on the Discovery channel. When I explained it and offered to demonstrate, one person immediately wanted me to work on her sore ankle. So we went to the TV room and I started working on her ankle. There’s this one little old lady with piercing blue eyes that is too infirmed to communicate well, but she pads around in her wheelchair, always lonely, always sad. She came wheeling up to us and asked what we were doing. I told her that putting my hands on Ann’s ankle would make it feel better. So she padded up a little closer to us and reached out her frail little hand and put it on Ann’s leg to help it feel better. She still wanted to help, even in her condition.

I realized a couple of weeks ago, after my mom hurt herself during a bathroom transfer, that she is never going to get out of bed again. And since my family refuses to acknowledge the work I do, there’s nothing I can do to help her, except from a distance. But I guess that’s better than nothing.

So, for these folks that are on their way out, maybe it’s up to us to create the final grace period at the end of their road. And I’m on a mission to make that happen.